On January 22nd I began to worry about Leslie. I hadn't felt her move in a few days. I didn't know if I was just being a paranoid mom or if I should be worried. Nate was good to comfort me, but the only thing that would really comfort me was feeling my baby. Many tears were shed that day as I sat or lied down trying to feel her move around. We decided that we were going to call Laurie Hansen the following morning and get checked out.
Thursday morning came and I dreaded calling Laurie. I looked at my phone for several minutes. I finally made myself call. They had me eat breakfast and come to the hospital as soon as I was done. Nate and I got there around nine in the morning. I laid there as the nurse searched for my babies heart beat. I just stared up at the ceiling tiles. I knew. She switched to the ultrasound to see if she could see the heart beating. Nothing.
I cried hard and looked up from Nate's hug to find tears flowing down his face. What now? I had this 25 week old baby in my belly. We made the decision for me to start the induction process right away. Nate was missing a track meet, but knew there was no way he could have been away during this time. Even if I waited to be induced a few days later.
The process was long. We received so many loving texts, cards, and flowers. Nate gave me a priesthood blessing and received one himself from my dad. We both felt sorrow but so much peace at the same time. Heavenly Father was blessing us with his love. We knew that we were going to be able to see our daughter Leslie and be able to raise her. Our testimonies about the atonement, the afterlife, and God's love grew tremendously.
It was 24 hours later when I gave birth to our sweet, unbreathing child. She was beautiful. We felt her precious spirit surround us. We were told that she had Down's Syndrome and based off of previous ultrasounds, we knew that she also may have had something called trisomy 18. We were told that only one percent of babies actually get this and are still born. It was reassuring to know that it wasn't my body that rejected her. She was the perfect size according to her age. 12.5 inches and 1 pound 10 oz. She was healthy and well fed. We know this was Heavenly Father's way of saying that Leslie is a perfect spirit. She didn't need to be on this earth for very long. She just needed to receive her body.
This made it a little easier to accept what was happening to us. We got to be a part of this perfect spirit's life on earth. What a beautiful trial.
A group called SHARE (volunteers who have gone through similar experiences) came in and dressed our beautiful baby. They took these pictures, did hand and foot molds, and foot prints. They gave us comfort. We were grateful for their hands in our lives.
Our sleeping angel.
Precious husband holding our beautiful daughter. Our love for each other will never be the same. It has grown so much.
The SHARE group also gave me this blanket, dress, and headband. We buried her in the exact same outfit and blanket. I love to have the things that remind me of her.
The funeral service was three days later on the following Monday. The service was held at 2:00 pm. The Relief Society sisters provided a lunch/dinner afterwords.
Bishop Pellegrini from our Young Married Ward conducted the service.
So many of our family members were able to be there and show their support. It was wonderful.
Brigham lead the song, Teach Me to Walk. Nate had this song in his head the morning after Leslie was born.
Austin gave the opening prayer.
I shared the story of The White Roses and my testimony of the knowledge that I will have the chance to see my baby again.
I love him.
Nate gave the dedicatory prayer. The spirit was so strong.
Nate, carrying our daughter for the last time in this lifetime.
Giving our White Rose back to Heavenly Father for a small time. We know that He will watch and take care of her.
When deciding on how to end the service, Nate and I liked the idea that anyone who wanted to could put in their bit of dirt and meet us at the church afterwords. We were glad that we decided to do this.
After everyone had their chance to put in some dirt, all the brothers came back and finished burying Leslie. We were told by the man from Southern Utah Mortuary that he has never seen people fill the grave completely. Her grave was so small that it didn't take long. It felt good to see the the grave complete.
Where our daughter will rest until the Resurrection. We chose to have her buried in Cedar City, Utah. This is where our life together has been. I am also comforted to know that right now I can go back and visit at any time.
We love you Leslie Jewkes.
"The mother who laid down her little child, being deprived of the privilege, the joy, and the satisfaction of bringing it up to manhood or womanhood in this world, would, after the resurrection, have all the joy, satisfaction and pleasure, and even more than it would have been possible to have had in mortality, in seeing her child grow to the full measure of stature of its spirit...When she does it there, it will be with the certain knowledge that the results will be without failure; whereas here, the results are unknown until after we have passed the test."
-Joseph Smith
I love you guys!!
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